Kat asks :
Hi Lucy,
My husband and I have been together for 16 years, 11 of them married. We attend a party at the weekend with our 4 year old and 7 year old. As the night went on I went back to her hotel room with my 4 year old as he was ready to sleep. My husband stayed up with our daughter to enjoy the party. However the next morning he informed me that he had been chatted up by a friend of the family who knows we are married. She basically offered herself to him, being nice guy my husband he told her nothing like that was going to happen as he is married. I'm thankful for his honesty he would have had a much easier time if he haven't told me. My husband continued to sit and talk with her while she was suggesting sexual things to him. I feel hurt that he continued to sit and listen to her when he should have ended the conversion as soon as she turned it into a sexual conversation. He told me everything that she said to him and even told me they had a connection. I know he would never cheat and he is honest sometimes too much. I have told him I feel hurt by the fact he didn't walk away. Do you think our marriage can survive this? Or is his destiny meant with her. I’m so confused and lost just now please help.
Hi Kat,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It is normal and natural to have a connection with someone other than your partner, just as it is to be attracted to another person- but it's what you do about it that counts. A woman who is attracted to your husband does not have to alter the direction of your relationship. It simply means that a woman thinks he's good to look at and can talk to him easily.
He has been very honest here-you consider him too honest- however it might be better that he tells you absolutely everything than nothing and you find out from someone else. This would make him look guilty and you question what he was hiding.
Perhaps ask him why he felt the need to stay. He might be missing something in your relationship that he was momentarily able to fitful by listening to her. Do you still talk about sex with one another? Do you turn each other on with words when you have some alone time? If not then this could be a sign he wants to talk about it more. Once you can pinpoint the reason behind him staying put, then it might be something you can work on.
He may have been flattered that someone else found him attractive other than you. It can be a huge boost to someone's ego to be reminded that they are still appealing to the opposite sex, even when spoken for. If you have both been occupied with your children for some time and neglecting time with each other- maybe he just needs some reassurance that you still find him attractive. Couples can forget sometimes that they are partners as well as parents and don't address each other the way they used to. This could be gentle reminder that you need to make each other feel loved and lusted after.
This event does not have to mean that you marriage is over- you perhaps need to explore the reaction you had to the situation and the grounds for his actions before making assumptions.
He was propositioned by another woman- listened to her suggestions and he still came back to you- that says a lot about the strength of your marriage.
Survival in a marriage is down to lots of things- but mainly two; trust- (it sounds like this is firmly in place) and communication- which might need a bit of work to enable you to push past this.
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