Helen asks :

Hey Lucy,

I have a sister who I can’t stand who has invited herself up for Christmas. She is renting a cottage nearby but says she won’t celebrate Christmas itself as our mother died at that time. Is she waiting for me to invite her for Christmas dinner? I don’t want to. Should I explain that we will be celebrating Christmas even if she is not and suggest meeting after Christmas is over?

Hi Helen,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

Christmas is a time where we all feel pressure to have people over who we don't want to celebrate with. If your tradition is to celebrate Christmas then it may be better to celebrate it on your own and suggest meeting up over the festive period at some other time. By renting a cottage it may suggest that she is looking for an invite, however simply being near you at Christmas might help. You say can't stand her but she might feel slightly different about you.

You do have your family to think about so would inviting her risk how much they enjoy their Christmas too?

If you do decide to invite her then perhaps state that you will be celebrating Christmas and ask her to leave her reservations to one side until after it's all over. She might find the holidays difficult because of what happened to your mother and need some support at this time.

You could suggest taking her around some Christmas dinner, that way she won't be celebrating with the rest of you but you can get around the issue of inviting her for dinner? Or invite her for a quick drink on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day maybe?

As long as she is aware that you are not going to dial back your celebrations this might put her off anyway if she doesn't want to join in and everyone else does.


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