Nequita asks :
Hi there Lucy,
Can u give me some advice please. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 year and living together for 5 years. He was offered a new job and we moved states in the first year of our relationship. We had decided that we would not do all the social media sites because he has cheated on me before using those sites as the gateway. I recently found that he has a secret phone with every social media site u can imagine. We argued about it and ended up arguing about marriage. I asked him where he saw us in 2 year’s time and his answer was, "still together but not married". He says he will marry me some day but he's not ready yet and don't know when he will be. I thought we were happy and I still told him the morning of the day I found the phone that we were so happy. Do I forgive him and wait till he is ready as to not give up on a 6 year relationship that was for the most part really good, or do I leave?
Our Reply
Hi Niquita,
It sounds like you have given up an awful lot for your partner- you have moved away from your home, forgiven him for cheating on you as well as been supportive of his inclination to wait to be married. You mention nothing in your letter that is meeting your needs. You do however say that you are happy, so this would suggest that you still feel there is something holding you together.
You could wait forever to be proposed to- he may keep putting it off and it could never happen for you. It all depends how much you trust his word. Six years is a long relationship and a lot to throw away, however how much do you trust him now that he has done the one thing you asked him not to?
Asking someone to give up social media altogether might be a big request for some- was he contacting other women again or just using it to browse?
That said; you have given up a lot for him- so why can’t he do the same?
You need to decide how important marriage is to you and if the potential is there for you never to get married how this would affect your relationship. How many chances are you willing to give him? If you find out he has been on social media again after this is that it? Or is it now? Relationships are about give and take so whatever you decide you should make sure that you are both sacrificing things equally or you might always feel resentment towards your partner and the situation you are in.
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