Emily asks :
Hi Lucy,
I was with my ex for 3 years, we lost a baby and then our relationship went bad. We argued so much, he never opened up to me and he stopped taking me out and we drifted apart. A year after losing the baby, we split up and he has been with 2 other girls since.
We started talking again a few months ago and I can feel the same connection as we did before we lost the baby. We laugh and it feels like nothing went wrong. I told him I still love him and his reply was "I know what you want, I know what I want but I can’t do it to you again"- it makes no sense. My family think he saw how happy I’d become and how much I’d got my life back on track without him and now his regretting what happened between us. They tell me not to trust him. I love him I don’t know if he still loves me because he beats around the bush about it. I don’t know what to do.
Hi Emily,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Relationships are about being there for each other in the good and the bad. When you lost the baby, clearly this was a tragic time for you both. A time when ideally you should have come together to grieve rather than drift apart. If he couldn't cope then and still can't there are things he could do to help him work through those feelings, such as counselling.
If he said 'I can't do it again' perhaps he was referring to his actions. He might know that if you got back together and lost another child that he would react in the same way. Or he might shut down if your relationship suffered any more heartache. He might be warning you against him for fear of himself.
He might be able to laugh with you now because there is a space between you and no pressure to talk about his innermost feelings if that is what you needed from him at the time. It sounds like he struggles to express his feelings in general as you are confused by what he says when you tell him that you love him.
Perhaps your family are right- it can be hard to see an ex doing well and feelings of regret might surface.
If you have got your life back on track and you are happy, then perhaps returning to the relationship might set you back in terms of the progress you have made.
tagged in Family Relationship
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