Hi Fiona,

We all make choices that others don’t agree with and often it’s family members who feel they are close enough to be able to speak their mind.

Given that you have been happily married for so long means that within your frame of reference this is the norm. This possibly makes it difficult for you to understand things from her point of view as she has left the ‘zone’ that you are in. Especially since she also had a long term relationship- suddenly you are faced with differences in your attitudes to your relationships when before you might have been more on a par with one another a lot of the time.

If you want to support her then ideally she should be able to talk to you about this. You might not always agree with her moves, but she needs someone to confide in. Going from one bad relationship to another might be her way of coping for now- you might well forsee that it could ‘end in tears’ but this is something she likely needs to figure out for herself.

If you tell her not to do something- the child in us all when we are told ‘no’ wants to rebel, even as we get older; so she might drift away from you if you push her away from him against her will. If her current relationship with the married man does come to an end she will need your support more than ever.

Lucy x