Natalie asks :
Hi Lucy,
A friend of mine recently helped me out in a huge way by procuring interview opportunities for me and also helping me study and prepare for it. After 6 trying months I finally got a very good job at a good profile and a 40% higher package than him in spite of him being better qualified, all thanks to him. Both of us were very happy but now he is demanding an iPhone and foreign vacations from me and also helping him study for some exams. He also wants to link his credit card to my bank account. Somehow, I'm not getting a good vibe about the monetary portion of returning the favour. How do I handle this?
Hi Natalie,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If he helped you to study, then you could return the favour. It doesn't sound like you agreed that if you got a job you would pay him back by means of a holiday, a phone or indeed by paying of his credit card.
Friendships are about give and take and helping each other out when you can- however they are not based on financial support.
If you have a bad feeling about the things he is asking for then it's probably for good reason. Worst case scenario- you could end up in debt from not making his credit card repayments if he has no control over his purchases.
Best case scenario- he pays you for what he spends- on time. That said if he can manage his own credit card spending now, there should be no reason why he needs to move the account.
Perhaps talk to him and tell him how grateful you are for all of his help. That you are willing to help him study because he did the same for you. However, when it comes to your money- perhaps this is where you may want to draw the line.
It is important to remember that whatever happens now can impact your credit score for a long time if it's negative activity. If you want to apply for a credit card yourself, take out a loan or buy a house to name a few- any activity now will affect your future plans.
Friends should not expect material items in return for their generosity- attention, help and time are far more important.
You may want to consider why he was invested in getting you such a high profile position. Was it to support him or was he really doing it altruistically?
tagged in friend
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