Laura asks :
Hi Lucy,
Please help. I recently discovered porn on my boyfriend’s laptop and the history shows he has been watching it whenever I am out. He had promised he wasn't and now I feel cheated and stupid. Our sex life isn't what it used to be but I didn't think things were that bad. We recently moved in together and are always working and tired but yet he finds time to watch porn instead of having sex with me. We have been together 7 years but since we have moved in he has problems climaxing and always blames it on tiredness. We have both discussed the problem and agreed to make more effort but it never happens. My big concern is that we are getting married in a month. All other areas of our relationship are great; we make each other laugh and are best friends. But this is now making me question whether I should call of the wedding as maybe after all this time we lost our spark?
Our Reply
Hi Laura,
This might be a case of pre-wedding nerves for you, which is completely normal. If the rest of your relationship is great then this something that you can both work on, if the foundation is there already.
If you recently moved in together this might be more about pressures and nerves for him too. Moving in together is a big step and he might be still adjusting to this. On top of that there is the wedding looming and even for the strongest of couples- this is a lot to take in and prepare for. If you are both tired too then it might explain why he is having problems climaxing. Things may get better after the wedding and the pressure if taken off you both and you can just enjoy being a couple.
All couples do lose their spark and if you have tried to make it better by talking, perhaps the changes in your life together have overshadowed these attempts to get things back to the way they were.
You could arrange a date night where you both agree not to talk about the wedding, work or your sex life and just enjoy one another’s company, without the pressures of the outside affecting you. Maybe choose a weekend where you can take the time and not have to worry about getting up early.
If this is a case of everything happening at once then libido may well be low. Porn is something he perhaps used to enjoy when you lived apart and he might be grasping for some familiarity from his old life to help him relax.
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