Naomi asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have been living with my boyfriend for 7 months. He has recently told me that although he is happy he doesn't see where our relationship is going. After planning to buy a house and spoken about marriage he has told me that he doesn't see himself with a family or marriage. We have decided to stay together until the lease on our flat runs out because neither of us can afford to live there alone and see how he feels at the end. I can't help but feel that he's only staying with me because of how upset I am. He says that he still loves me.
Our Reply
Hi Naomi,
It is very practical to stay with one another until the lease ends, so you both have somewhere to live, however it is prolonging the time in which to make the decision. If you separate and still live under the same roof this could prove to be extremely difficult- so at least you have this time to prepare yourselves and talk it out if that is the direction you take.
He might love you, but big life plans such as these, if you are not on the same page, can break a relationship.
If you really want marriage and kids, then if you stay with him when he doesn’t, you might resent him, or the relationship, which is not a happy place to be. Similarly if he gets married and has a family for you then he could feel the same. This might cause a lifelong divide between you, which could potentially end in you splitting up anyway, with a lot more at stake and a lot further down the line.
Try to be mindful that he does still love and you and make the best of what you both share; a history and a friendship. Staying together could make you both unhappy and if you care about one another this is likely the last thing you want to do.
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