Jade asks :

Hi Lucy,

I have been single for 4 years now but have got to a point where yes I miss companionship but I am not desperate. I recently met a guy online, we talked for about 2 weeks and met up. I’ve now seen him couple of times and he is lovely, he is 3 years younger than me which I definitely struggled with at first but it's not as obvious as I first thought. However, he is very intense! I've seen him 4 times now and all his friends know about me, his parents ask how I am, he constantly tries to take photos with me.. It's nice but.. He is terrible in bed and not only that but he is not very well endowed and the physical side of a relationship is everything to me. I've told him we shouldn't be physical and take things slow after seeing it.. But I can't carry on with that forever what do I do? I feel liked would be killing a cute loveable puppy saying to him I can't see him anymore. Plus I feel very shallow

 

Hi Jade,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

If he is younger than you, then maybe he is just naïve when it comes to relationships- making him 'intense' because he doesn’t yet know where the boundaries are. If he is talking you up- it may just be that he is proud to be with you – which is intended to be flattering for you- however you may not see it quite the same. If you feel that he has gone too far too soon with talking to his parents and his friends and taking pictures then maybe you could talk to him and ask him to dial it back a bit. If you want to have an element of privacy surrounding your relationship then perhaps bring this issue up with him. It may be that the trust is not there yet between you for him to be talking pictures? If so then he needs to know. 

If you prioritise sex, then maybe this relationship is not he one for you, if you already think he is bad in bed. Most couples need time to get to know each other’s likes and dislikes in the bedroom, so perhaps he just needs another chance. Again if he has not had many relationships prior to you, then he probably won’t have had a lot of sex- so you could be open and honest with what you want rather than condemn him before you have given him the opportunity to change. 

If you feel so adverse to the relationship now, then maybe that is a sign that you are just not meant to be- sometimes to be happy yourself someone else’s happiness might need to be affected. It is never a pleasant experience to break it off with someone but in the long term, he might see too that it was the best thing for both of you. The longer you stay with him (and you don’t want to)- the more the pressure might mount if he continues to tell people about you.

You could give him the opportunity to prove himself; however you need to be patient with him for he is not going to know exactly how to get you off after couple of sex sessions or what your boundaries are in terms of what is acceptable in a new relationship- that takes communication.

If you are not prepared to wait then perhaps it’s time to have the conversation with him. If you are then he might surprise you. 

 

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