Frankie asks :
Hi Lucy,
I was in a relationship with a co-worker and we both feel in love with each other straight away. I live in London and he lives in Bangor but the distance and the fact that he had a daughter from a previous relationship was never an issue. I got along with his daughter amazingly and his family, but after just 6 months he decided to end it all of a sudden saying that he needed to concentrate on his daughter more. I blame myself thinking I am being too selfish when I was with him but I never stopped him seeing his daughter or friends it's not in my nature. I was extremely upset but was going to be strong and carry on talking to him at work like nothing happened. I have now left that job but he never even said goodbye on my last day he asked about where I was going etc. a week before but I was hoping for a least a goodbye call or text. Even free nearly a year I keep comparing men to him and no one seems to match up, I still love him and want to get in contact but I’m too worried and scared he will either ignore me or turn me down and I didn’t want to seem weak or an idiot like I did when we broke up as he didn’t seem as cut up as me. If you could please help I don't know if I should message him or just keep my head up and carry on and hope someone will come along shortly?
Hi Frankie,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It is normal to compare your new men to your ex, however try to focus on the reasons that you are not together and find things in the new men you date that lacked in you previous relationship. It seems impolite not to say good bye to you after being in a relationship and working with you or not to send a text to you afterwards. Maybe he was looking for closure when you went and that was his best way of dealing with you leaving.
You have two options. You could try to gain some closure too; not make contact and work on finding someone new. Allow your feelings for him to slowly fade so they are not an issue for you anymore. Or you could attempt to make contact one last time and find out if there is anything in it for you or if his circumstances have changed.
If you left with no goodbye, it may be this that is keeping you hanging onto the possibility of something more. You broke up over circumstance and commitment rather than something wrong with your relationship, which can be frustrating.
You are not an idiot for wanting to find out where you stand. All I would say is try not to hang all of your hopes on making contact with him again. He was the one who ended things and he hasn’t made contact since, so this might indicate that perhaps he felt like your relationship is not to be.
tagged in Family Relationship London daughter yin and yang agony aunt
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