Sarah asks :
Hi Lucy,
I got married nearly 2 years ago now. My husband works as a taxi driver so works various hours day and night. I’ve been going on his phone this past few months or so without him knowing. I have seen messages from his friends asking him about girls my husband was with or which girls he had wanted to go see, there were also various strip clubs that he has been to. He has had messages about him going gambling and what bets he has been placing. I don't know how to confront him about all this as when I mention all of this, what should I do?
Hi Sarah,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It sounds like you are at a bit of a crossroads- you feel you need to talk to him about this information, but don’t want to reveal that you have been looking on his phone.
How do you think he will react if he knows you have been looking on your phone? If he is generally ok with you playing on his phone, then it could have been accidental that you came across these messages and can ask him about them, without him being too suspicious.
It sounds probable that if he is going to strip clubs, seeing other women, or gambling that it is outside of his normal working hours. Why not try to work out when he would be finishing his shift and ask him where he’s been? If you have not been asking him when he is working to and from then perhaps that is why you haven’t noticed his strange working patterns.
Could you talk to his friends? Ask him why he has been keeping odd hours and see if they will be truthful with you?
Once he is aware that you know of his actions then perhaps some couples counselling might be appropriate to help you discover why he felt the need to look elsewhere and admit why he kept the information from you.
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