Maddy asks :

Hi Lucy, 

I recently started a new job and I love it. It's close to home, busy from 9 - 5 and the people who I'm working with are all very nice. However, they've all known each other for a number of years and are all married with kids or in relationships and often they go out for drinks together. Next weekend they are all heading out for drinks to celebrate one of our colleagues who has recently acquired a promotion and they have asked me to attend. But I really don't want too. I've over the moon for the lady and her promotion, it's not that. I don't drink alcohol for a couple of personal reasons; therefore pubs and bars are not my scene at all. Furthermore, I very much enjoy my own company and I like to stay in on the weekends. I have a small circle of friends - one of which has been my best friend for over a decade and she is the exact same in regards to drinking and going out - hence why we get along so well. I don't want to damage relations with my new co-workers and boss, but the thought of sitting in a pub for hours while my co-workers get steadily tipsy sounds torturous. Can you offer any advice please?

 

Hi Maddy,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

There is nothing wrong with ducking out of something you know you won't enjoy. If you were to go and it was obvious you didn't enjoy it- then people might make the wrong assumption as to why- that you don't like your fellow staff members instead of the setting.

I would suggest that if you are genuinely happy for this woman that you are up front with your work colleague and tell her it's not your thing but that you wish her well. Perhaps you could get her a card or take a in a cake for everyone to share to mark her good news. You could always tell people then so everyone is on the same page and rumours don't begin to circulate.

It shows that you are pleased for her and that you want to share in congratulating here in the good news but in your own way. Something to share also helps you have a moment not just with her but with everyone so there is still a sense of being part of the team.

Another option is to have a quiet word with your boss. If you trust that they will tell the staff as it is and not manipulate the truth- you could leave it to them to tell the rest why you're not there.

As long as you get on well with everyone in work - if you don't attend- it shouldn't do your working relationship too much harm. If you are open and honest from the beginning, they might not ask again and it saves you having to say 'no' every time. 


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