Conor asks :
Hi Lucy,
I've just been dumped by a really great girl who I care a lot about. I suffer from depression and anxiety and was putting a lot of my bad feelings and thoughts onto her. Maybe I expected her to solve them. Sadly this pushed her away. I'm now realising the position I put her in. I backed her into a corner. She had no choice really. I still feel that we have some chance of getting back together. I've started to get help to deal with my problems. I know that right now I need to give her time and space. When we talk she says the only way it can work is if there's no pressure. How can I not put pressure on her? I've had a lot of girlfriends over the years but when we're together I'm like a different person. She's made me honest. I know there's something special that's worth fighting for. Even as I write this I feel I'm putting pressure on her by not moving on, waiting for her. I'm completely heartbroken, don't know what to do. She is truly one of a kind, never met a girl like her in my whole life. How can I prove to her that I'm worth a second chance? Thank you. Hoping for a second chance.
Hi Conor,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It sounds like you need to look after your own needs before entering into another relationship with this woman or anyone else. Being with someone doesn't solve any issues you have- you need to understand yourself before letting someone else in- sometimes relationships can add to those questions and uncertainties. Falling in love is a vulnerable place to be and if you are already vulnerable due to other reasons- it can be overwhelming.
One way of helping yourself could be to register for some counselling and deal with all of your anxieties and depression with a professional. This may take the pressure from her, which is what she has asked for- if professional help is what you need- she will never be able to match that and help you. However she can be there for you after seeing someone who specialises in anxiety and depression to talk about it and reflect.
It sounds like you value having her in your life- so could you agree to be friends while you get the help you need? Then you could revaluate and see where things go once you have a better grasp of the triggers to your feelings.
You can't take the pressure off her until you take the pressure off yourself- then she may give you a second chance.
tagged in depression
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