CL asks :
Hi Lucy,
I'm emailing because I'm on a sticky situation and don’t what to do. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and I'm happy, we have a beautiful baby girl together and things are perfect. The problem is I keep thinking about my ex (not in that way). My ex also has also had a girlfriend for the same amount of time. I do not wish to get back with him at all as I'm happy within my relationship as is he, but I miss his friendship. We were really good friends before everything happened, but then things ended rocky and we stopped speaking. How do I casually speak to him again?! I don't want his partner or mine to get jealous as that's not my intentions I'd just like to know how he's getting on etc. and be on friend terms. Please help!!
Hi CL,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Perhaps it might be wise to speak to your partner about this first. If you were to arrange anything without his knowledge then he might think that you are trying to get back with your ex. He still may worry even if you tell him, so you would need to go about this delicately if you are determined to start up your friendship again.
Perhaps be open with him about the phone calls you have, the texts you send and the places you go so he has no reason to suspect and maybe ask the same of your ex with his partner too. You might not be at the stage where you can all go out on a double date but if you are honest with everyone involved then it could work. I would suspect that there might be some resistance from somewhere so be prepared for that.
Perhaps this has highlighted an issue in your current relationship where you thought there was none. Maybe you have not worked on being friends as well as partners and this is something you could pay attention to. Could you look into doing more things together as friends would or take some time out to talk about your feelings more? Maybe you have spent so much time thinking about being parents and lovers you have forgotten that the basis of any relationship is being friends first.
Whatever you decide, be sensitive to your partner's feelings- how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? He might think that he is not enough for you or that you can't talk to him. To an outsider looking in it could appear to have hidden motivation, however if you are certain that your only reason is because you miss his friendship then maybe test the water with your partner and take things from there.
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