Wife in distress asks :
Hi Lucy,
I recently got married. My husband is a very nice man, but he is too much attached to his parents.. A mamma's boy to a certain extent. He shares almost everything with his mother, this deters me from sharing things with him. I fear that he will tell my MIL. He looks forward to having them around while I cherish my privacy. How can I get him to prioritize me now that I am his wife and tomorrow we will have a family of our own.
Hi Wife in Distress,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Perhaps agree a day and a time for them to come around each week if it’s getting to much for you. Then at least you can prepare for their arrival, rather than them making unannounced visits or being there all the time.
If you don’t want him to tell her things then perhaps tell him when there is something that you don’t want repeated. Maybe if you have not mentioned that you want something to be kept between you, he has assumed that he could talk it out with his parents. If you explain to him how you both differ in your attitude towards family matters then he might understand and dial it back. The issue might be that you have never brought it up before and perhaps he has assumed that you have just fallen in line with the way their family operates, which is not the case.
Could you talk to his parents? Perhaps you could tell them that it’s nothing against them but you value your privacy and would appreciate it if they could call before coming over or arrange a time and day with you first. It is your home too so you should have some say over when you have visitors.
Or could you suggest that he sees them at their house to split the visits that way?
Perhaps if you tell him that his reluctance to keep things between man and wife has made you worried about what impact this might have on your children and how it’s diluted down what you feel you can tell him. Married couples should be honest and if this is getting in the way of that perceived freedom of discussion, then maybe it’s time to tell him the affect it’s having on your relationship.
tagged in Parents Mother Husband married yin and yang agony aunt
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