Confused asks :
Hi Lucy,
My working partner spends money like it is water, leaving me to pay all the house hold bills and finance the children even though I don't work at the moment. He spends his money on the latest technology. Every time I broach the subject of his spending habits, he becomes irrational and starts a fight. I don't want to live like this anymore, but at the same time, don't want to uproot my kids and leave this beautiful house that I pay for. Do you have any ideas on how I can talk to him?
Hi Confused,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Money is always a tricky subject with couples at some moment in their relationship and it’s at this point that there needs to be greater communication over spending habits.
Perhaps if you find it difficult to talk to him you could go to see a relationship counsellor to talk about your money issues. This might help him to realise the seriousness of the situation and encourage him to sit and listen to your side of things.
Perhaps think about when and how your approach the subject with him. If you do so in anger then this could encourage him to shut down and not listen to what you have to say. Perhaps write the things down you want to talk to him about and some solutions and try to discuss it with him calmly and ask him for his input. It might be helpful to ask him how he would feel if the situation were reversed. This could encourage him to see things with greater perspective.
Maybe you could talk about the wider impact this is having on your family. His spending not only impacts on him and you but also your children. If whatever income you have is no longer available then how will he feed, clothe and put a roof over your children’s heads?
Could you get a job when he is not working so he can look after the kids? Perhaps if he spent more time with them, it would take his focus away from his need for technology and make him realise that they should be his priority?
Maybe you can suggest that he has a budget for himself every month and then put the rest in a joint account? That way he would still be getting something for him, but just within a set limit, while providing for you and his kids? Spending habits are hard to break, however if he really cares about you all then somewhere inside he should have the willingness to change.
If you run a home, then you need spare money in case an unexpected bill comes along, so the sooner you can find a happy medium the better.
tagged in Kick Ass Partner yin and yang agony aunt
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