Hayley asks :

Hi Lucy, 

I've been in love with someone for 11 years but have never told them. I am married with 2 kids and love my family dearly but have never gotten over this person. I don't even know what outcome I'm expecting if I did ever tell them because I'd never leave my husband but it eats away at me every day. What should I do? I can't instantly forget about this person but I really want to be over it by now.

 

Hi Hayley,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

After 11 years of feeling the same way it will be hard to alter your thought processes and break the habit of loving this person. Perhaps some counselling would help you to talk about where this all began and why you have hung onto it for so long.

If you have no intention of leaving your husband then it seems that you might need some support from outside of your relationship to work through how you to let go if that is want you really want.

It sounds like you have not been able to tell anyone else about this so it may just help to let it all out in a confidential setting and unravel why these feelings have gathered momentum rather than faded away.

Could it be that you have had some difficult times with your husband and this person has been a light when everything else has seemed dark? Are you close to them? Would it help you to keep some distance while you work through your feelings?

What is it that you love about them? Perhaps your husband lacks in the areas this person excels in? If they have been someone who is outside of your family unit, perhaps they have been a breath of fresh air to you because their company is not family orientated and lets you explore other passions and pursuits? Whatever your reasons it might be time to explore what it is you love about them so much- but also recognise their faults too. They are just as human as the rest of us and perhaps you have overlooked the negatives of being with them because you have been blinded by your feelings of love.


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