Tracey asks:
Hi Lucy,
My boyfriend is 47 and due to present a training course at work. The problem is he doesn't like doing it and worries that much he doesn't sleep and feels panicky. Rather than get help he buries his head in the sand and bottles up his feelings.
How can I help him get through this as I feel like I'm 'going on' at him when he just doesn't want to talk about it?
There is no way of getting out of doing the training session so I'm worried he is going to make himself ill.
He has had mild depression and panic attacks in the past.
Thanks
Hi Tracey,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If he refuses to speak to a professional about it then I would suggest all you can do is be there for him as much as you can.
By this I mean try to engage him in conversation about it subtly- he may be reluctant at first but the more he talks about it the more inclined he might be to open up more and talk about his feelings surrounding it.
If he buries his head in the sand it might help him to tackle his fears head on if he can talk about every eventuality with you.
Perhaps discuss the worst things that could happen if it weren't to go well.
If people are not engaged- perhaps he could work on ways to make his presentations more appealing to his audience.
If he feels his skills in this area are lacking- could his manger offer some support by way of training?
I would start by talking more about work in general and then ease into more specifically about the training course so he doesn't feel like you're 'going on at him' simply sharing information about your respective days.
Another thing you could consider is asking him to present the course to you. It will give him chance to practice, identify any glaring errors, find out which parts he struggles with and boost his confidence in its delivery.
There are many people who are fearful of presenting things to other people, especially large groups. If it's part of his job then practice might be his only tool for making this better.
If he is well rehearsed in its delivery, then that should help him to go in there with a bit of confidence.
Alternatively, if this is too much for him- could you help him look for another job that doesn't involve this sort of role- would he be more comfortable elsewhere?
tagged in boyfriend
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