Kizzer asks :

Hi Lucy,

I need advice badly. I have ruined my life and I don't know what to do. I've made a huge mistake and a completely hate myself for it, please can you help me! I have been in relationship with my best friend for the past 10 months. This relationship has been in secret because we are both straight males but just happen to have fallen for each other. Everything was perfect we were in love and I was the happiest I could be. I would do anything for him and couldn't bare losing him. However, I have made the biggest mistake of my life. On a night out whilst drunk which I know isn't an excuse I kissed another boy in the toilets and he performed a sexual favour on me. My best friend saw it. I don't know why I did it, I didn't fancy the boy I wish I haven't now because our relationship is ruined. I've destroyed him and broken his heart as well as mine. I don't know what to do, I can't live without him but he doesn't want to to continue the relationship. It may sound stupid but It hurts so bad. I have never felt so much pain in my life and I'm losing him. I don't know why I did it l? I have no explanation and I wouldn't deny it. I'm trying my hardest to work it out but he says I repulse him and that he could never even hug me again. What can I do? I feel like this is the end of my life and all I want is for it to go back to normal. Please advise me on what I could do, I want so save this relationship but I've tried everything so far.

Hi Kizzer,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

When people won’t listen- often what a lot of people find effective is a letter. Perhaps write everything down in a letter to him about how you feel for him and why you think you did what you did and apologise for it.

It can be hard to hear something when you are still angry, however if he has the time to sit down and read it then how you feel for him might really ring true.

Maybe in time you might end up just being friends again so he is still in your life. Could you suggest this to him as he has only talked about ending the relationship not the friendship?

Perhaps there was something lacking in your relationship that made you stray and you were not aware of it until it happened with this other guy. People cheat on their partners all the time, some know why and others aren’t so sure at the time, but afterwards it often becomes clear what the motivation was. Maybe think about this before you talk to him again so he and you can understand why it took place.

It sounds like what happened is only recent so maybe he just needs time to simmer down. People say things in anger that perhaps they don’t mean- if you were both best friends and partners then the chances are he will miss having you in his life too. Perhaps in time he won’t feel the same as he does at present- it might just be that you need to be patient and give him so room right now. 


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