R asks :
Hey Lucy,
So I moved in with my best friend last year, it was cool everything was fine. Then this year we signed up to a new tenancy at a new place and I started working for her family business. Which is okay, but I thought I'd finally got her on the same page with our living situation. I'd always been a country bumpkin and living and working in the city has eaten me alive, I can't stand it, so we agreed to move up north because of how cheap it was and the quality of life is far better. Until she dropped the bombshell on Saturday that I pushed her into making that decision and it wasn't happening, we're moving closer to work. I was so taken aback I just nodded and shut up. But now thinking about it this clearly is against everything my heart wants, she's supported me so much over the past year and a half and has been an amazing friend, with our whole situation taken into consideration I feel utterly lost. I don't want to lose her as a friend, and make it seem like I'm being ungrateful and throwing everything in her face because I'm not! But London is making me ill. I crave a quieter life; London is my epitome of hell. How do I tell her? I've fondled with the idea of a letter but I'm not sure. Any advice would just be fab x
Our Reply
Hi R,
If you have already signed to a tenancy then how long do you have until this is up? Could you afford it on your own or look for another housemate to replace her?
If you are both in the places that you are comfortable in then this might help you both to be happier individually which will have an impact on when you are together. It seems that you both still want the friendship but simply have different ways you want to live your lives. There is nothing wrong with this as friendships grow and evolve it’s important to be honest with each other and accept each other’s differences. Your friendship does not need to be over because of this incident. It sounds like you both just need to put your heads together and come up with a solution that suits you both.
You could still visit one another- obviously you would not see each other as frequently – but better that than one of you being desperately unhappy and resenting the other.
Letters are great tool for communicating- you have time to think about how to word what you want to say rather than it being in anger or upset- so you can look at things more rationally. Perhaps either write her a letter or sit down with her to talk about your options or both. You might feel more comfortable approaching her after she has had chance to read a letter from you. If you find some common ground then this might ultimately make you stronger as friends.
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