Stephenie asks :
Hi Lucy,
My husband loves his friends. Sometimes it's ok. But at times I don’t like it. One of his girlfriend’s calls him ‘honey’, ‘sweetheart’, buys him expensive gifts, cooks food for him at a times and behaves as if she owns him. They meet every day as she is leaving for Syria in few days saying it's their 'last memories' together. They have been friends for 15 years. I can understand that bond but I don't get it. We have been together for a year now. He has never hidden anything until now. I tried telling him that I am not comfortable with few things but he brushed it off saying we shouldn't be on each other’s Facebook profiles as I get to know what she calls him there. I don't know what to do. I know he loves me but I don't get this kind of friendship. Am I a bad guy here?
Hi Stephanie,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Being a good friend is an attractive quality, however not at the expense of your marriage.
If you have not had a close friend of the opposite sex or otherwise, it can be challenging to understand the bond that your partner might have with this woman. However friend or not, when another women comes into the mix, it can be quite daunting for a female partner as it might feel like she is taking your place.
If she is going away, then perhaps this won't be as much of an issue for you later down the line. He may be in touch with her over Facebook etc., but if he is not seeing her every day, then maybe their friendship will cool down a little.
Have you asked him how he would feel if the situation were to be reversed? Maybe he can only see it from his point of view and needs to consider how it might feel him if you were really close to a male friend?
Facebook can be a contributor to trust issues with partners as some things may be taken out of context- perhaps it would do you good to unfriend her and stop seeing what she posts, as this could be making you more paranoid. If she is deliberately trying to irritate you then it could be working, perhaps try not to rise to it
If you trusted him before then maybe this is just something you need to negotiate over and find a happy medium, however if you don't then this could just be highlighting that this is lacking in your relationship and needs more work.
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