Rhea asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am 28 years old and have got married recently, about 6 months back. I married the guy I loved but I am not sure if I still love him? I was single for almost 3 years and suddenly I met my husband and thought that he is the one ... I went out with him for 3 years before tying the knot but now I feel that I was just immature or infatuated by him. I get annoyed by the things he does these days. I feel he is not hygienic enough and not even good looking. Love is blind maybe that’s why I didn’t care about his looks then but now I find him fat short and I don’t know if I’m being mean because he truly loves me. He cares and I know that. Now I’m stuck. I do not know what to do ... I’m not sure if will find love again and marriage is a huge commitment that I messed up. I am so screwed in my head. Please advise.
Our Reply
Hi Rhea,
The grass is always greener on the other side and this could simply be a case of newly married nerves. It is a big commitment to make to someone, as you have realised and can make you doubt if you have made the right decision because everything seems so final and it can seem like there is not choice left in your life.
You were together for a long time before getting married, so there must have been something that kept you happy then. Why not think back to what attracted you to him in the first place and in your honeymoon period and try to recapture some of that back.
If you are unhappy with the way he looks perhaps talk to him about going to the gym together to get fit, eating healthier meals and if he is not keeping up with his hygiene this is the perfect excuse to spice things up and have some shower sex!
Have you talked to him about the things that annoy you- perhaps if he knew they were bothering you then he might dial them back or change.
The fear of being alone is not the best of reasons to be in a relationship, so if you have put some things in place to make the marriage better and you still feel that they are not working then perhaps it’s time to suggest some couples counselling. Beyond that, if you still feel unhappy it might be that you need to look at the option of separation.
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