Megs asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have met someone new after a very abusive relationship. I never thought I could fall in love again but I have. He's perfect. Kind, caring, he's always touching me gently when we're out. He knows about my past and holds me when I cry. I love him. But he has made it clear he's not ready yet so I've held back from saying the three words. It’s starting to hurt though. Whenever he goes home I'm nearly in tears because I missed the chance to tell him I love you again. It’s causing tensions. What do I do?
Our Reply
Hi Megs,
It sounds like you are in a much happier place in your relationship and feel much safer, but this is the one thing that is causing a bit of friction between you both.
There are many couples where one person is in the place to tell their partner that they love them and the other isn’t quite there yet. If you want to tell him how you feel then perhaps just come out with it. Reassure him that he doesn’t need to say it back if he is not ready to yet, but that you just want to tell him how you feel. Bottling up your emotions can be damaging if you are bursting to tell him, so if you think that he can accept that you are further down the line emotionally than he is then it might be worth just being honest.
The main thing is how you feel about the words not being reciprocated yet, which does sound likely. If you have faith in your relationship lasting and a belief that one day you will hear those words from him, then as long as you feel strong enough to progress at different speeds then maybe say it to him.
If you think that you will get hurt by this imbalance in emotion then it might be worth waiting until he says it first.
tagged in Love Relationship yin and yang agony aunt
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