Shannon asks :
Hi Lucy,
My boyfriend and I have been together 4 months; although I have known him a long time and always had something for him we were friends prior to this. The trouble is he is never out of jail, I stood by him for 2 months there writing each week sending money etc. he may not have asked but still. I couldn’t wait for him to get out; as soon as he did he has made no effort to see me. I am beyond hurt at this, he's troubled at the moment I understand that and he is not a bad boyfriend and he is expecting prison again soon with a much longer sentence. I don’t know what to do or what to say it’s hard as all we’ve been through a lot already and I’ve always deeply loved him and will be heartbroken to lose him, where do I go from here or what do I say? X
Our Reply
Hi Shannon,
It seems that you have been supportive while he has been in prison doing what you can for him; however it sounds like your efforts have been lost on him. If you have only been together for four months in total then 2 months is a large chunk of that to be apart. Perhaps he felt that despite your letters that you drifted apart during that time.
If he is expecting prison again soon then you might find that when he gets out that he acts in the same way. Are you prepared to put in the effort again only to find that you are disappointed at the other side? If he is a repeat offender, then you need think about if you can maintain this relationship only having him in your life for short bouts of time. How did you cope for the two months? If badly- a longer stint may only be worse for you.
Perhaps go back to being friends while he is inside and see how things go once he gets out. If you have been through a lot then you can still be a support for him but not put your life on hold only to get the same negative reaction when he comes out. If you have not been in prison then it might be hard for you to understand what he has been though but from your letters, he should have known that you would be there for him when he got out. Relationships are hard as they are but you are making it very difficult for yourself very early on- without knowing if it will last because of the extreme circumstances that you are under.
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