Shoye asks :

Hey Lucy,

Me and my guy we were are in relationship (Live in) since 7-8 months and believe me it was really serious. I really loved him and the way he was with me, I never even thought that he could cheat on me. Our friends used to love seeing us together we understood each other very well. Everything was like a fairy tale, but few days ago a common friend of ours kept calling me continuously, she sent me screenshots of chat- the same way he used to talk to me like baby etc. I ignored her as she is a bitch, later it kept bothering me. I finally met her, she showed me all the proofs I heard her call recordings I was like getting 100 needles pricked at the same time. The time he used to say he loved me he said it to her. He tried sleeping with her also; he did everything except for having sex with her. I got the proofs I went home I packed my stuff and shifted to my old place, he was trying to stop me pleading to listen, apologising, next day I called him up to meet without he being aware I called the other gal he dated as I wanted clarification of why did he do that? I was being very restless…things got clarified he accepted his mistake; he said I wanted to flaunt around my friends I was a jerk. Later he pleaded me badly he said ‘please give me one chance I’ll never let you down’. While departing he cried like hell as if someone was dead. I told him ‘I gave u everything never even I as such quarrelled nagged or cheat him never’. He respected that he said ‘u can slap me do whatever u have all the rights’. I am in real dilemma what should I do? It feels like do I give him chance to prove him that he loves me or to prove that am a fool, I feel if he loved me then why did he mess around, it’s too difficult for me to live without him? Please help me.

Our Reply

Hi Shoye,

Many couples suffer an infidelity and still manage to find it in themselves to forgive, redeem themselves and move on. It all depends if you genuinely think he will never do this to you again. If you already thought he wouldn’t ever cheat on you then perhaps he has it in him to hurt you once more.
It will feel like you can’t live without him right now if you are in the habit of always being around each other.That tends to be the thing that people miss the most. If you can’t trust him again then you will find the strength to move on. It might not seem like it now but you can have a fresh start if you put your mind to it.
Have you talked about why he strayed? Perhaps there is something in your existing relationship that could be worked on so he doesn’t look for other women to fill that gap in his life. People generally cheat to make up for something lacking in their partnership- could you make an extra effort to work on something that you have taken for granted or neglected while you have been together?
It all boils down to trust- if you think that you can begin to trust him again then perhaps give things another go- but if you think that you will always be wondering where he is and checking up on him then maybe it’s time to find someone who won’t hurt you by betraying your trust.


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