Alan asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am a 50-something married male with adult kids who have left home. Our sex life seemed to have dwindled on the vine and my wife shows little interest these days. Perversely, my libido seems to have sprung back into life. I recently began an affair with a similar aged woman who seems to be in a similar situation with a disinterested partner. It is great; it is very convenient for both of us; and I feel invigorated. But neither of us want to abandon our marriages. Why then, am I consumed with guilt? Is it wrong for two consenting adults to behave this way?
Hi Alan,
Agony Aunts on Female First
There are many dating sites set up for this sort of relationship now. Those who want to remain married but still enjoy a healthy sex life- some tell their partners, others don't- it's what works best for the individual.
You are likely consumed with guilt because it goes against everything you vowed not to do on your wedding day. If this is the first time you have been unfaithful, it might feel a little unnatural.
Have you talked to your wife about your sex life? If not then it might be worth bringing it up with her. If you haven't initiated a conversation about it then she might assume that you are just as disinterested as her.
Maybe once you have gauged if you can resurrect your sex life with your partner then decide if you want to continue the affair. Do you think she will leave if she knew you had cheated?
Perhaps this could give her a jolt and make her put in more of an effort in the bedroom. Depending how understanding she is about this- there is always with possibility if you do tell her that she could ask for a divorce.
Could you consider couple's counselling to explore why the sex has diminished and what you could do to get it back on track?
Whatever you decide if you feel guilt then it might be because you feel you need to tell her, or that you would ultimately rather be having great sex with her. It all boils down to if you can cope with this guilt or not. If the roles were reversed how you would want your wife to handle the situation? Perhaps extend her the same courtesy if you would want to know if she was the one having the affair.
tagged in Kick Ass Partner married yin and yang libido agony aunt
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