Imarah asks :
Hi Lucy,
So a few years ago I was in a happy relationship, we had the same birthday, it just felt like we were meant to be together, everything was perfect. But then I found out he had lied to me about his age, he told me he was the same age as me. This was a lie; he was actually two years younger. I was crushed, I was so happy and in that split second it was all taken from me. A few days later I found out that he was cheating on me during our whole relationship. Well I was only young so it didn't have the same effect on me as it probably would now. For the past 3 years he keeps coming back into my life, mostly near around the time of our birthdays, he is now 16 and I am now 18 trying to get my life together. We've had a long talk recently and he says he wants me in his life, but he wants me there more than friends. Every time he comes back I feel those feelings I felt 3 years ago but much stronger. He seems a lot more mature than he should be at his age, but how do I know he's really changed? Shall I follow my heart and give him a second chance? He says the reason he keeps returning to my life is because fate has brought him back.... Every time I try and move on with someone else, he comes back and then boom, I feel like I'm in love again... The word "love" has crossed my mind many times, I can’t stop thinking about him and the times we shared but can I really be with someone who is 16? Can I really trust him again? Please tell me what to do, I've had this problem on my mind for 3 years now and it needs to go away....
Our Reply
Hi Imarah,
He will be more mature than you remember, because a lot of time has passed, so you may find him mature for his age but had you met him here and now would you think the same? Your first love is always the most powerful as it’s the first time you are swept up by the emotion and it tends to mean more than any other because it paves the way for all of your future relationships.
He did lie to you twice while you were together- once about his age and again about cheating on you too. Could you trust him again? There is something wildly romantic about being told that fate has brought you back together and it might be this that is making you feel what you did back then. It is a few years on now and you are still trying to get yourself back together- what if what happened before happens again? You would be setting yourself up for another three years of potential hurt.
I would suggest that you try and keep moving forward. If you get back together with him you will be taking a step back and he is still very young. A boy of his age may still be tempted by other women, if you are looking for commitment and forever, he might not be able to maintain this. The reason why you can’t move on is because he is still making contact with you. If you want to progress, then perhaps ask him not to make contact with your anymore. Each time he appears it’s like you are putting your life into reverse until he leaves when you get back to where you were and then he returns only to mess with your head some more.
Often young love is more about infatuation, we are preoccupied with the notion that we can find the one at a young age, when often it’s not the case. He does keep coming back which means he valued your relationship in some way, however you need to figure out what his motivations are for doing it. If you can find out why he feels you have unfinished business then you might be able to make it work again if his intentions are good that is.
Good luck,
Lucy x
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