Sandra asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have been with my partner for 17 years we split up 9 weeks ago and neither of us has been in touch since. Is he hurting as much as me?
Hi Sandra,
Agony Aunts on Female First
I would suggest that you don't focus on how he is feeling and concentrate on you right now.
If you try to measure your hurt against his, then this is a losing battle. If he has moved on, then it will only make you feel that you need to get over him faster. If he is hurting as much as you- then it does not leave you any better off. It may give you some sense of satisfaction- however if it doesn't change the outcome then it's not benefitting you in the long term.
After 17 years, you will both need time to adjust to your new lives and it can be difficult as you will have formed habits together. It is important that you now try to form other habits that you don't associate with him, so you can enjoy new experiences that make you happy.
If you have not been in touch, then perhaps this is for the best- as it removes any complications or temptations to dwell in the past. It's a clean slate for you both to give you the best start in your new life.
If your wounds are still fresh, then perhaps you need to source some help from your friends or family if you need someone to talk to. Or could you arrange to see a counsellor through your doctor, if you would rather talk to someone confidentially?
It sounds like you are still thinking about him, because you have done for so long- however it might be time to think about what you need to get through this and easing your own hurt to give you the best possible start.
tagged in Partner
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.