John asks :
Hi Lucy,
I and my girlfriend have being going out for 6 years; we have being living together for 3 months! I have a full time job and I have a pub so I'm gone a lot of the time! We had a big row because I promised to bring her away for a night which I cancelled at the last minute because I could get no one to work in the pub! She got so mad she went out for dinner with one of my pub customers obviously to get me back! When I found out I went mad and said stuff I did not mean and told her I never wanted to see her again! In the following days she rang and txt me whom I ignored, I left her in our apartment for a week when I went back a week later she had moved out. Now I really miss her and want her back but she hates me and says we are totally over! She will never forgive me for leaving her alone for a week in our apartment crying on her own! Is there any way back? Am I totally in the wrong?
Hi John,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It is always unfortunate when plans have to get cancelled at the last minute, especially if it's been something you were both looking forward to.
It seems that she might have wanted to get a reaction from you by going out with one of the pub customers- maybe jealousy? It is normal to say things in anger that you don't mean- it's how you act now that's important to rectify the ones you regret.
She may have assumed that because you didn't go back to the apartment that you didn't want to sort this out. The lack of communication has perhaps made her come to this conclusion which could be why she moved out.
Perhaps write her a letter if meeting up with her is still a little raw- that way you can tell her about the things you didn't mean and how you actually feel.
No one is ever totally in the wrong in arguments- both members of the couple need to take some of the burden themselves.
It sounds like if you make another go of things that you need to find new ways to communicate more effectively with one another so you both know where you stand.
It sounds like you assumed she would still be there after a week and she thought it was over, which could have been prevented with a conversation.
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