Janette asks :

Is it ok for my husband to kiss another woman on the lips ? She was recently widowed and my husband knew hers but he's only met her twice and doesn't even know her first name !!! He told me everything I've just written but I think he's been having an affair !!please help

Our Reply

Hi Janette,

If this is not something that is commonplace in your marriage, then probably not. Firstly is it not really the right etiquette to kiss a recently widowed woman on the lips if she is grieving for her loss and secondly it is a bold move when he doesn’t really know her. Finally if neither of you  make a habit of this then he should have known that it was not acceptable in your relationship.

Was there anything before this that made you suspect that he was being unfaithful? He might have suggested that he didn’t know her name to cover his tracks but it might simply have been a spontaneous event with a stranger. He volunteered the information which is a good sign, if you had found out through someone else that he had kissed her then it might have looked like something had being going on for longer. An telling you a lie would have made things a lot worse.

If he has kissed another woman then it sounds like there is something he feels is lacking in your relationship, which he has compensated for with this kiss. Why not talk to him and find out what caused him to do this. Ask him to have enough respect for you to be honest and tell you if this is the only thing that has happened while you have been together. Perhaps some couple's counselling might be in order here if you anticipate finding it hard to trust him again. 

Lucy x 


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