jenny asks :
I was with a guy for a year, after a few months very unexpectedly found out I was pregnant, it was a shock but we came to terms with it but I gave birth early, I was home alone and unable 2 get 2 a phone so gave birth alone, once our baby was born I got 2 the hospital but our baby boy died 6 hours old. My partner's phone was off so I couldn't get hold of him that day and he blames himself for it all and feels he let me and our baby down. He couldn’t cope with it and finished our relationship but after 6 months we met up and for the past 6 months seen each other most weeks, speak every day, we still have intimate cuddles, kiss and have sex. I love him a lot. He says he misses me and us but isn't in the right place 4 a relationship. What do I do? Do I stand by him?
Our Reply
Hi Jenny, thanks for getting in touch.
It sounds like he may still be keeping you at a distance because he has not got over the loss. Perhaps suggest that he go and talk to someone. The doctor can make a referral to a counsellor to talk about his unresolved feelings towards the situation. Also the Samaritans a great place to turn to as well as he can talk to them in the early hours as they are on call 24/7.
If he finds a way to talk to someone about how he feels about what happened then it may be easier to talk to you in time. Reinforce the fact that you love him by telling him that, if he feels he still has your love even after your loss then he will perhaps come around more to believing that it wasn’t his fault. Remember seeing you and being with you is constant reminder of what happened but the guilt should ease if you show him that you are willing to get past it if he is too. You had a child together so there is a history there, if it hadn’t happened perhaps you would have carried on as a couple- why not put this to him, to find out whether it is just the situation that has caused the split or whether the relationship was in trouble before.
by Lucy
Female First's Agony Aunt
tagged in Kiss Pregnancy Love Partner Relationship Baby yin and yang agony aunt
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.