K asks :
Hi Lucy,
Help me I really need some advice. I have been with my partner now for nearly 5 years, when we first met me called me and said it was over and I asked why, he replied look on FB and I did not have a clue. We both then agreed to both get off there and decided the site is dangerous. Here we are over 4 years later and I still have not been on there, anyway my partner just started to work off shore, so at the moment we talk on Skype and email one another. The first time I emailed him, as I sent a pop up box and a picture (same one on his email account) popped up and said add on FB so seeing this I was shaking, I pressed on there and there he is on FB, he has been on there for the last 2 years, so I created an account and added him, and he is yet to accept my friend request, there isn’t any pics of him and he has shortened his name and there is no date of birth so there is no way I would find him if I searched. He last posted on his wall in July this year. I do know that he could be on there every day or hardly ever. My question is why has he lied to me?? We have a very happy relationship (so I thought) we still can’t keep our hands off each other and he is so wonderful to me and promises me the world. The worst thing is I can't bring myself to tell him while is in the middle of the ocean working and ii got to wait another 2 weeks until he is home. I know when I approach him about this he is going to blow up saying I don’t trust him so what is the point in carrying on. The thing is I love this man very very much and I don’t want to lose him but yet I can't keep this from him that I know or it will eat away at me and I will end up hating him, but on the other hand if I do confront him he his only going to deny why he is on there. When I first found out I was a total mess and can't understand why he has lied to me all this time when all he does his slate the site and I mean all the time. I’m so confused and upset and don’t know what to do.
Hi K,
Agony Aunts on Female First
There may not be anything sinister about this at all. Yes, he didn't tell you he was back on there, but he hasn't posted anything in six months which is perhaps a good thing. If he had an active social life over Facebook messaging lots of women and posting photos of himself without you then this could have made things worse.
Facebook can be a way of just being nosy and finding out what other people are up to so perhaps don't worry so much about it. He had Facebook before so it might have been a part of his day to check it and when it was taken away, he might have missed the interaction. If he has not checked his account he won’t have seen your friend request either.
It sounds like the rest of your relationship is going well, so maybe try not to let this affect what you have going on so much. Obviously you need to talk about it because it’s affecting you not being able to get to the bottom of it.
You found out about the account through innocent means, you didn’t go looking for it, so he may have done the same if it had happened to him. I would suggest telling him what happened and ask him why he is back on there. If you don’t you will be left wondering why he lied to you and when he goes back on he will see the request and probably bring it up anyway.
Good luck,
Lucy x
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