Sharon asks :
Hi Lucy,
I'm totally confused I've been married to my husband for 10 years. I’m totally in love with him, we rarely argue and get on like house on fire. We have three children and generally happy.
Eight months ago, I decided that I needed to go and get job. I started my new job on the same day that another man started. We paired up as the two new starters.
As time went on, we got incredibly close. We laughed and joked. I'm clearly very naive because I didn't see what was happening in front of my own eyes.
He told me one day that he had feelings for me, feelings that were growing stronger each and every day. I was flattered; I loved the compliments and the attention. But I did tell him that I was married and had no intention of cheating on my husband.
Time passed nothing changed, chatting and flirting continued apart from now my feelings have grown towards my work friend. I'm always keen to see him, always texting him, 24/7 thinking of him.
We have shared many passionate kisses now. I feel incredibly guiltily on my husband. My feelings and love has changed towards him and I never want to hurt him. I know I will never leave him- he is the man I’m going to grow old with I'm just totally confused please help..
Hi Sharon,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Often when couples have been together for a while, the laughing and joking reduces when the responsibilities and pressures grow. The flirting, the flattery and the compliments can go out the window too if neither are making an effort to sustain them. It happens to lots of couples when they become comfortable and habitual.
What has happened with this man work might just be a result of that. Perhaps you are craving all of those things within your marriage and if they are not being fulfilled- that could explain why you found it elsewhere.
If you love your husband and you still see yourself with him long term, it might help to talk to your partner about ways you can get that excitement back into your relationship again. If you are missing it- chances are he is too, so it gives you the opportunity to put your heads together and work as a team to get that sparkle back.
Perhaps you could commit to a weekend away every couple of months just the two of you, plan in a date night every fortnight if someone will look after the kids. Promise to make little gestures of love each day or say something positive and complimentary to each other. Text each other loving or sexy messages throughout the day. Go to bed a little earlier so you can make love, talk or to snuggle.
If you think you need a little help to feel more satisfied in your marriage- you could seek some couple's counselling. This might help to bring new ideas to the table and ensure you have each other's undivided attention at regular intervals to focus on your relationship.
If you don't want your marriage to suffer, it might help to reduce the amount of contact you have with this man. When you feel the need to communicate with him- you could try and shift this focus onto your husband.
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