Max asks :

Hello Lucy,

 

My partner and I have been together for a year and we have a healthy sexual relationship. We have talked openly about fantasies and threesomes, and last week we came close to organising another guy to join us for the first time, but eventually I became uncomfortable, as she was doing all the communication with the new guy and I felt as if I was being side-lined. We talked about it and realised our mistake, but she still admits that she would feel jealous to share me with another woman, in the same way I agreed to share her with another man. Should we pursue this or not?

Our Reply

Hi Max, thanks for getting in touch.

 

If you both fell jealous at the thought of having another man or woman in your bed, then it sounds like it might not be for you two. If you are feeling this way now then this will likely only escalate if you pursue this further.

 

You have already admitted that when she spoke to him more than you that it made you uncomfortable, so the involvement of another man is making you feel like you are being cast aside.

 

Involving another partner is often for couples who have been together for a while and need something to spice you the relationship. If you have a healthy sexual relationship now then why the drastic need for change so soon into being together?

 

It can work for new couples, however if you address all of your sexual fantasises right away then there is nothing left. Fantasies are good to spread out over your time together or they will only lose their appeal quickly if you act them out all the time. This can be said of other things such as sex toys, too much of something can actually be a bad thing sometimes.

 

Threesomes can make or break a relationship and it is good that you are expressing you feelings now rather than afterwards, as this is much harder to recover from. Sometimes one person gets into the swing of it and the other holds back, which is where the problems can occur. You seem to both be on the same page here which is good.

 

Why not suggest watching porn together? Using the sight of someone else in the room with you as a turn on, without the added pressure of having another person physically there, might work better for you too?

 

Or why not try role play? If you both get into different characters then it will feel like you are having sex with another person, but safe in the knowledge that you are not jeopardising your relationship in any way.

 

Good luck,

Lucy x


by for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk
find me on and follow me on

Need Help?

If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.