Jess asks :
Hi Lucy,
I've been with my boyfriend a year and from the start he has said he intends to go travelling with a friend for a whole year. It would be not only to travel and enjoy those experiences, but also to seek employment opportunities. As the year has progressed we have fallen in love and shared some amazing times. However as the time draws closer to him leaving I feel terrified about not having him in my life. I understand these plans were in place before we got together, and I respect why he needs to go, especially as his age is a big factor in obtaining work so he must go imminently. He won't commit to any plans for me to go out with him when I've saved some money, saying that he wants to try and make it work, but also he just wants to see how things go. The whole thing is tearing me apart and I feel utterly powerless, the more I worry the clingier I become, so the more I push him away. What should I do? Thanks, Jess.
Hi Jess,
Agony Aunts on Female First
This sounds like the first big test in your relationship. If you are able to get through the next year it will likely determine the rest of your time together. Long distance relationships are always going to be hard at any point- but even more so at the beginning of a pairing.
I would suggest that you just take it one day at a time, worrying about 'what ifs' is going to make things much worse for you. This is all you really can do because of the newness for both of you- your relationship is about to become unpredictable.
Try to stay in touch as much as you can and both agree on a time to talk- so you both have a commitment to one another and something to look forward to.
He may not want to commit to you going over until he has found his feet and is more confident out there himself. He is going to experience a lot of new people and places and until he gets a firm grasp of the culture, he may not want to see anyone until he is settled.
Perhaps you could talk to him about what he means by 'see how things go'. Your definitions might be different here, so you both need to know what is and what isn't off limits while you are apart or one of you will end up getting hurt.
While he's away you could try to find new things to do at times you would ordinarily spend together so you don't think about missing him as much. He is finding ways to better his career prospects- is there something you can be doing to better yours? Is there something you have always wanted to do but spending time with each other has prevented you from pursuing it? You are part of a couple, but you also need to think of your needs now too- he is doing something for him- so make sure that you are fulfilling all of your dreams at the same time and you will have plenty to talk about.
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