Lisa asks :
Hello Lucy,
I recently found out my boyfriend of 2 years is bisexual. I still love him and he still loves me but I'm finding it difficult to cope with. I don't have a problem with bisexuality but it's not a featured I'm attracted to in a partner. It took my partner a lot of courage to admit this to me and I know how much he's struggling with his sexuality. I don't want to make him feel likes there's something wrong with him, because there isn't, but I also don't know if I can continue dating him. I'm afraid if I do leave him it'll cause him to feel more insecure about himself as he's already told he hates that he's bisexual and it makes him feel disgusting. I don't want him to feel that way; I want him to be proud of who he is. Should I try to come to terms with my discomfort and continue seeing him or should I leave?
Hi Lisa,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If you still love each other then some couple’s counselling might help you to get through this difficult point in your relationship.
Perhaps this is not something that you were attracted to in a potential partner when you were seeking out someone to love- however if you are already in this relationship, with help and time you could find that it’s not as important as it once was.
What is it about ebbing bisexual that puts you off being with him? Is it that you perceive more competition? Are you concerned that he might leave you for a man later down the line? Is it the shock of thinking about him being with another man? It might help you to pinpoint which part of this news makes you feel most uncomfortable so that you can communicate this to him if you decide to get some counselling. Also, if you can emphasise that it is your attitude towards this and not about there being something wrong with him, then his self-esteem might not be hit as badly.
You say he hates being bisexual and that ‘it makes him feel disgusting’- might he need some individual counselling to tackle this issue first? Has he told you the because he wants to be honest with you or has he told you because he is still confused as to whether he wants a relationship with a woman or a man or no-one? Or to reach out for some help?
This revelation has encouraged many more questions- so it’s important the you are honest with one another after he has opened up about something that has clearly not been easy for him.
Perhaps give the counselling a go before you make your final decision and if you still feel that it’s not something you can continue with then maybe you can offer to be his friend. He will need someone for support in whatever capacity you can provide if he is still conflicted about his sexuality.
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