Kelsey asks :
Hi Lucy, I have this friend that seems to like every guy I like but only when she knows that I like him. Once a guy was over at my house and she fount out he was there. She invited herself over after a night out and got undressed in front of him, I was so shocked and embarrassed I didn't say anything. Another time she asked a guy I liked for his number for me through his friend and then said he ignored the message (when this is unlikely because I've met up with this guy before and he seemed to really like me) my theory is that she took the number and didn't give it to me. She's also followed him on social networking sites and liked his posts but didn't even think to tell me that he was even on a social networking site. I know that's a minor thing but it still doesn't make sense. If I say a guy likes me she also says he likes her too. I just don't understand why she does this. What should I do?
Our Reply
Hi Kelsey,
Although this might be quite irritating- it’s possibly a form of flattery. She may be unsure of who she feels she should like and is taking pointers from you instead of making up her own mind, which shows she respects your opinion.
It could be that she is afraid to lose you to a boy if you start dating one of them or it could simply be that she feels the need to be reassured all the time by men to boost her confidence levels.
There is often competition between girls as to who is the prettiest in the friendship group or who gets the most male attention and she maybe wants to feel like she is the most desirable one. What she fails to realise is that getting undressed in front of boys or coming on too strong can be off-putting for a lot of men. Although men like a woman with confidence- too much is a repellent.
Whatever the reason, I would suggest that if you want to maintain your friendship that you don’t reveal things about your love life anymore. If you have a crush, talk to a guy or meet up with someone- don’t tell her until things progress. Her involvement is clearly making things more difficult in your love life so leaving her out of it might improve things. If not then talk to her- you have the upper hand because you now know some of the possible reasons for her behaviour. It will possibly make her think a bit harder about her actions in future if she realises that you are not fooled by her attempts to interfere.
Lucy x
tagged in Love Love Life Lucy Walton Confidence friend yin and yang agony aunt
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