Hayden asks :

Hi Lucy,

 

My girlfriend who I've been seeing for just under two years has cheated on me. I'm still with her because I love her and she said it was a mistake and I believe that everyone should get a second chance no matter what. But she asked me if I wanted to have sex so I agreed but I stopped half way through because I kept imagining the other guy touching her. The thing is, it's a close friend and I see him every few days. This has messed up my life but I don't want it to ruin my relationship but I don't know what I'm meant to do when she asks me for sex because I don't want to do what happened last time and stop halfway through. And it’s hard for me to trust her now.

Hi Hayden,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

I would give yourself some time before deciding what you want to do here. If this only just happened then you are likely still in shock and need time to come to terms with everything that's happened. The images may be strong now- but in time- they are likely to fade if you get your relationship back on track again.

Perhaps talk to her about why you are finding sex so difficult, she probably knows why- however- talking about it may give her the opportunity to cast aside some of the scenarios you have been creating in your mind.

Talk about why she felt the need to stray and what you could do to help ensure that this doesn't happen again. If you keep all of these feelings bottled up then your sex life will suffer. If you get them out in the open, then it might help you to move on. Sex is just as much about a physical connection as it is psychological, so it's important that unresolved conversations and issues are not blocking your chances of having a fulfilled sex life.

She will also need to be patient with you as this may not happen overnight. If you do decide to give her a second chance then you both need to put in the work to get back to where you were.


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