Andrew asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have been with my girlfriend now for ten years. We have two children and we are due to be married later this year. The problem is yesterday, completely out of the blue, my girlfriend said she wanted me to sleep with another woman. She insists she has no ulterior motive but she is very insistent I do it. She even got upset when I said I didn't want to and carried on trying to convince me. She knows I like the woman she wants me to sleep with but she also knows I would never cheat on her. Can you help with this confusing situation?
Hi Andrew,
Agony Aunts on Female First
This certainly sounds confusing when it seems you have both been monogamous for ten years.
How is your sex life? Could it be that she feels she is not giving you what you want anymore? Perhaps talk to her and find ways to reignite the spark in your bedroom play. If it has become a bit stagnant she might have assumed that it's all her fault, when in fact it is completely normal for the sex to reduce after children and being in a long term relationship. It takes work form both of you to get things kick started again.
Women sometimes, after having children, feel that they have lost their sex appeal and that their partner might not find them attractive anymore if they have stretch marks or scars from birth. Maybe try to reassure her that you are still attracted to her as much as you can.
You are about to get married so this could be her way of finding out if you will ever be unfaithful before she goes through with the ceremony of if you need to get anything out of your system. It is a massive step in a relationship and can sometimes drive couples to do things they wouldn't normally in a moment of panic.
She might not be asking you for the right reasons; so perhaps try to get to the bottom of it. If you feel strongly that you will never cheat on her even if she is asking you to, then I would suggest you go with your gut. Even if she feels better about it, you might never be able to get rid of the guilt for the rest of your married life if it goes against your morals.
tagged in children Relationship married cheat
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