Hi Sue,

It sounds like an awful lot that you have to deal with at the moment; while your health is bad and your relationship is going through a troubling time.

Perhaps you could arrange to sit down with him and explain why you went away without him and didn’t tell him where you were. Presumably you had your reasons and it could be that he is not clear why you did what you did.

He would likely have been very worried for you knowing that you were not in the best of health and concerned about where you were, who you were with and how you were feeling. Sometimes worry and fear can come out in other ways such as anger and that  could be why he reacted in the way he did.

Communication is essential in relationships, so if you can bring yourself to explain what was going through your mind when you left then perhaps he can gain a greater understanding of what you were going through. If he has never suffered from depression then he might struggle to grasp what your mood levels.

If he doesn't want a divorce then that could be an indication that somewhere down the line he sees you patching things up again. Could you arrange to see a counsellor to get help with your depression, or could you organise some couples counselling and ask him to join you? That way you can both express where you are and how you are feeling about your marriage and look to making some steps to improve things as they are.

It sounds like you might not have had a chance to talk properly if he is at his parents. Could you meet up on some neutral ground? Not at your marital home or his parents but somewhere else like a café, so you don’t have the pressure of people hearing your conversation or being in a place full of memories?

If he feels he is helpless in trying to affect your depression then keeping his distance may be his way of coping with that difficulty.