Daniella asks :
Hi Lucy,
I've just found out that after an argument 7 years ago that my husband went to my best friend to chat. He has now confessed to sleeping in her bed and saying that he gave her oral sex and she tried to give him it, although he couldn't get an erection. Is this possible? I won't to believe him and try and move on but I'm hurting so much, I can try and move on but I'm confused and don't think that it's possible for this to happen and for him not to get an erection. He is truly remorseful and he is in remission from cancer at the moment so don't want to keep going on about it, but need your advice as to what to do next?
Our Reply
Hi Daniella,
The pressure of knowing that it was a betrayal of your relationship might have been a mood killer for him, so what he is telling you might be the truth. Or he might be trying to save your feelings. What difference does it make when a sexual act happened between then anyway? Does it make you feel better that he was unable to become aroused for her? The point is it happened and you can’t change it by second guessing what went on, it’s what you do now that matters. Trying to figure out what they did together will only eat you up inside.
If you think that you can try to move on and that he is truly sorry then it might be a good thing to seek out some relationship counselling. This is a very difficult time for you both without something like this surfacing; it might be that you just need a bit of extra help to cope.
It was an act of infidelity, yes, but if what he is telling you is true, he is with you- he chose you. When he could have chosen her over you in that moment he didn’t. I am not condoning what he did, but something made him come back to you and that might be a good basis to work on if that is still strong underneath it all.
tagged in Cancer Husband yin and yang best friend agony aunt
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