Anne asks :
Hi there Lucy,
My sister is getting married and I am her chief bridesmaid. I have tried to organise a surprise get together the night before the hen just for the bridesmaids and I asked them to put £20 each so I could order food drink goody bags etc. and a present from us all. I then received a call from my sister who advised me that the other bridesmaids are really unhappy and contacted her directly to find out why they were being asked to spend so much money. My sister is distraught and has cancelled the pre-party and is questioning her friendships with the other girls. I have been left in a position where I have a very upset sister and to be honest I am pretty angry myself that they could not speak directly to me. I really do not want to spend any time with these people and I am worried that I will not be able to tolerate any more of this. Please help!
Hi Anne,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It does seem that the better option would have been to contact you first to discuss the issue of money rather than your sister, as this sounds like it has spolied your surprise.
It seems that the party was not an attempt to rock the boat but some bonding time or relaxation before the hen night celebrations begin. It is probable that you sister appreciates what you have done for her and realises that it was not intended to cause this much friction between you all.
Being a bride can be a tense time when it comes to who she chooses for maids- any sign that they are not being 100% supportive can make her question if she made the right choices, so chances are she is very fragile where they are concerned right now.
If the party is a no go then perhaps just go on the hen do and be civil with these people for the sake of your sister. You may not be feeling it inside, however if you can get through that and the wedding day you may never have to be in contact with them again.
It may be that they are better on the hen do because that is an expectation of a bridesmaid and a cost they will likely have prepared for since being asked. Perhaps your party was something they had not taken into account when budgeting for the wedding preparations.
It might be worth your while if you focus on your relationship with your sister and be a support for her while she is upset and listen to her while she makes her decision on what she wants to do about the others. If you express your feelings about them and she decides to keep them as her bridesmaids then it could cause a fall out between you both, which will not help matters.
tagged in Sister married yin and yang agony aunt
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