Jess asks :

Hi Lucy, 

My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months. He’s 41 and I'm 31. The sex we have is amazing. But there's some things he won't do with me. Either because he's tried them and couldn’t do it. Or because he didn’t like it. These are things I've never tried or I've tried and liked. I don’t want him to do anything he doesn’t want to do but I sometimes feel like women he's been with previously have had the best of him. How do I stop feeling like this?

 

Hi Jess,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

Just because he has done things with other women that he hasn't with you doesn't mean they have had the best of him- everyone has a different sexual experience with each partner.

Perhaps it all went so horribly wrong with the last woman that it wasn't a great experience for either of them anyway, hence why he's reluctant to do it again.

If it didn't go to plan, perhaps he knows that you will be disappointed if you do try it and wants to keep your sex life 'amazing'. Or maybe he's embarrassed if he feels he can't do something and doesn't want the quality of the sex to fade.

You say the sex is 'amazing'- so why fix something that isn't broken? If you're pleased with every other area of your intimate life except for a couple of things where he draws the line- that may be better than trying something that puts him off sex altogether in the future.

It might be worth having another conversation about why he doesn't want to do such things. If he is against them- you could ask him why. Perhaps his experience might put you off or calm your curiosity. Or if you have broached this topic before and it has not had a warm reception- it might be better to leave it alone.

Most people have had past relationships and done things differently in the bedroom with each partner. This does not take way from what he has with you- because he will have done things with you- sexually and accessed parts of himself emotionally that he won't have with the previous women.

It's possible that the longer you are together, the more his confidence might grow, however for now it might be better to stick with 'amazing' not dwell too much in the past.

He is with you now- so that's a good indicator of who he has connected with the most both in and outside the bedroom.


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