Sarah asks :
Hi Anne, One of my close friends got herself a boyfriend a couple of years ago. Within a few months of them being together we lost contact and pretty much became strangers. I believe this was partly to do with us both being stubborn and not contacting each other, but I feel this wouldn't have happened it she didn't spend most days with her boyfriend. Last year they broke up and she had no one, we became close friends again and I was there for her through the breakup. 6 months ago she got herself a new boyfriend and the we recently stopped speaking for a few weeks because I felt the same was about to happen again. During an emotional conversation she apologised for only making effort to see me when her boyfriend was busy admitting he will always come first, but we both agreed to make more effort. So we've started making effort to see each other once a week/two weeks but it's happening again. She will only make effort when he's not around or when it suites her. I don't think I can continue this friendship knowing that he will always come first and knowing that if I needed her she wouldn't be there. Am I just being too stubborn and living in the past or do you think I just need to completely end the friendship? Thank you.
Yin replies
Friendships always suffer as a result of a relationship, it’s inevitable when the romance is new and six months is not long to still be in the honeymoon phase with someone. Perhaps suggest that you set a definite date every month that you go out, that any plans you make should avoid that date and any plans that she makes with her boyfriend should avoid that date too. If the meeting up every couple of weeks thing was working for a little while then there is no reason why it shouldn’t work longer term if you are both committed to a date. Once or twice a month is not a lot to ask to meet up with your finds, so see how it goes.
Yang replies
I would suggest finding time for your other friends so if you do need someone then you will have a person’s there in her absence. The likelihood is when you get into a relationship that you will want to spend a lot of time with your partner too, so keep in mind when you do start dating that you don’t fall into the same trap as her. Perhaps try focusing on your own love life which will encourage you to stop worrying about hers as much and what she is not doing for you because of her partner. This way you will be able to double date and see her more that way!
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