Should I be closer to my partner than my best friend?

29 November 2014

Hi Boo,

Agony Aunts on Female First

I would say generally, you share more things with a partner, love, sex, shared finances, where you live, joint goals and ups and downs. Some of these are not possible to share with a friend, so I would say that you should feel closer to your partner than your friend.

That said, if your partner is ok with you having a close friendship then perhaps you have a unique situation here. However, if you have any issues that concern you about your partner, then you need to talk them through with him first, not your friend. Nothing will get resolved if you go through your friend first as your partner might feel hurt that they were not your first port of call.

Perhaps it will help your relationship if you don’t bear all to your friend about what goes on between you and your partner. There needs to be a certain element of privacy around what goes on behind closed doors and not everything should be public knowledge, so maybe keep that in mind when you talk to your friend.

Perhaps your friend has an ulterior motive and may have feelings for you that have led him to become so close to you. Do you have feelings for him and that is why you have let it happen? It sounds like you need to be honest with yourself and what you want first. 

Perhaps talk to your partner about your lack of closeness and find out where he stands. This may have just brought up an issue in your relationship that needs addressing- that you might need to work harder at becoming closer to one another in future. Remember that your partner should also be your best friend- so if you love him, then try not to let your friend step on his toes.