Cheryl asks :
Hi Lucy,
I’ve been seeing a married man for 2 months now and he's never hidden the fact that we are together even from his wife. He says his marriage has been over for several years but they still live together. Other people have said he does this all the time. I've questioned him about it he just says his family is important; meaning his children. He treats me very well and really spoils me it’s been very easy for me to fall in love with him.
Hi Cheryl,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It all depends if all of you are happy with the arrangement that you have. If he wants to stay with his wife for the sake of his family, but she agrees to him seeing you in order to stay- then it might work. People can maintain unconventional relationships if all parties agree to it and they can keep it going successfully. For one or more however- it might not be what they want from a partnership.
Are you happy to maintain a relationship with him while he is still married, or somewhere down the line do you think that you might wasn’t to get married yourself?
If other people have already told you that he has done this before then that could set off alarm bells that this relationship is only short term where he is concerned.
Breaking a family up is unquestionably hard for everyone concerned, so it may be that he is staying with his wife until his children are older and might understand that despite their best efforts, they are an incompatible couple.
If he treats you well and spoils you, this may be because it’s still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship. How would you feel if his generosity diminished and he didn’t spoil you as much? He may continue to treat you well, however what would happen if he were to see less of you when the passion dwindles?
He may be making the effort while it’s all new and exciting, but are you prepared for it to reduce once you become more familiar with one another?
There are so many potential complications here so it might be worth talking to him about your concerns. If he is not going to leave his wife and family, then you stand to lose more here- while he can go back to his old life. It might be worth asking him where you stand and what might be in store for your future to protect your own happiness.
Are you prepared to wait for him if he wants to leave his wife eventually? Or do you think you might be able to use that time to find someone who is not involved with someone else so deeply?
tagged in Marriage children Family married wife yin and yang agony aunt
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