Laura asks :

Hi Lucy,

 

I've been friends with this guy for about 8 years now. Over time I realised that I have feelings for him but he has a girlfriend. I have been trying to turn off these feelings for such a long time and the harder I try, the harder it gets. Do you think I should end the friendship? I do not want to disrespect his relationship and I can't keep putting myself through the agony of trying to act disinterested in a guy I really care about.

Hi Laura,

Agony Aunts on Female First

Agony Aunts on Female First

If you value his friendship, then cutting him out of your life might make you feel even worse- eight years is a long time to be invested in a friendship with someone. While it is tempting if he is still around, perhaps if you focus on your own love life- it might help you distract yourself by finding someone else to shower with your affections. Then your disinterest might be genuine rather than an act.

If you have not allowed yourself to look elsewhere, then this might be why you are finding it hard. His relationship with his girlfriend might not be a good one- he may be single in time, but you should not have to put your life on hold until that happens- if it does. If he was suddenly single and you were to make a go of things- then it might not work out between you because your friendship means more to you both- in which case you might lose more than you bargained for.

Maybe you could try seeing a little less of him and make more of your life outside of your friendship with him. Perhaps the reason you have such strong feelings is because you are in each other's company all the time, which can make you fantasize about the possibility of you and him. If you were to see him less and spend more time with friends or family and possibly a new romance it will help to reinforce the fact that you have life outside of him. This may make it easier for you to move on.


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