Richard asks :
Hi Lucy,
I understand this a female site, so sorry- but I feel it could be relatively applicable. Firstly I'm gay and not out. I'm currently seeing a guy who I get on very well with, there is a great deal of respect for each other as we're in similar situations. However I'm not sure if I definitely want to settle down with him. Although he definitely compliments me and would make me a better person. However my ex (who I'm still friends with) recently came in contact with me, and keeps asking for me to take him back and leave my current other half. It took me many months to get over him, and I still have a soft spot for him. However I feel it would never work between us both, as trust is a huge issue. I think staying with my current guy is the sensible and the right option, but there just hasn't been that spark between us like there was with my ex. I know I shouldn't even think about trying again with my ex, as I'm sure it's just about sex from his side, but it's very tempting. How can I go about finding clarity and knowing what to do and what not to do? Any advice on what the best choice would be? Many thanks!
Hi Richard,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If this thing with your ex is about the ‘spark’, then perhaps you could look into some ways to create that with your current partner.
You mention trust issues with your ex, if this is the reason you broke up with him then chances are old wounds will be opened and the same problems you had before will still be there.
It sounds like you have already made your mind up as you have said staying with this guy is the ‘sensible’ and ‘right option’. If he has everything else you are looking for in a man when maybe you could just work on making it more exciting so you can have a more rounded relationship.
If you think it’s about sex for your ex then maybe ask him what he wants from you. Hopefully he will be honest and then you can gauge from there what sort of relationship you want too.
If it were about sex- is that something you feel you need right now? Maybe you are craving some freedom and no strings attached fun and then you could think about something more serious later down the line.
If you don’t see things as long term with your current partner then maybe your time with him has run its course. If you can’t envisage a future it might fairer to tell him now before you spend any more time as a couple.
Whatever you decide, perhaps just find out your ex's motivations first so you don’t end up with nothing.
20 Reasons relaitonships lose their spark
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tagged in Gay yin and yang agony aunt
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