Anonymous asks :
Hi Lucy,
I really like this girl at work and I find it really difficult to make a move. She’s winked at me a couple of times but not sure whether that’s just her being friendly. I don’t think it’s appropriate to be dating someone at work. She’s also recently come out of a 9 year relationship am not sure whether I would be a fall back guy as well. I’m also thinking of getting her a gift on Valentine’s Day. I was thinking of a more discrete but intricate gift. (Gold plated lighter with an engraved message). What do you think?
Hi Anonymous,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If you don’t think it’s appropriate to be dating someone at work then perhaps you should go with your gut on this one. If it goes against your beliefs then it could be an indication that it will pose a difficulty right from the beginning.
If she has come out of a 9 year relationship then her winking at you could just be her looking for some fun and some playful banter if things were serious for her in the latter stages with her ex.
Perhaps talk to her generally about her thoughts on relationships- she might be open to telling you that she is not ready for something serious again for a while- or she might tell you that she is at a point when she wants to move on. This could help you gauge where she is at before making a move or not.
Something like the gift you mentioned is very personal and sends the message that you like her- she could be touched by it or she might be put off by such a grand gesture. Perhaps you could save this idea for if you get together and stay together for a while.
If you are not sure of her feelings, maybe you could suggest that because you are both single that you spend Valentine's together so she is not alone on her first one out of a relationship. She might be feeling fragile at this point if she is used to having someone around at this time of year- so a meal out, cinema, a walk or a coffee might just take her mid-off things.
Maybe it’s a case of being her friend first and see what happens from then on- if you rush her into something she is not ready for it could make things very awkward at work. Perhaps take things at her speed and she might respect you more for it.
tagged in Valentine's Day yin and yang agony aunt
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