Betty asks :
Hi Lucy,
A few years ago I slept with a man who had a girlfriend. This is bad I know; it was a mistake. I tried to do the correct thing at the time and made him tell his girlfriend. She chose to stick with him and he chose not to tell anyone else.
I am now invited to the wedding of the man’s brother and also on the brides hen do. The girlfriend is going to both wedding and hen do. I can't really go to either of these events. But the bride doesn't know why.
Do I: A. Tell everyone the truth B. Ask the girlfriend how she would like me to deal with things C. Just go to the wedding/hen do?
Hi Betty,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If you go the hen party then it may give this woman the impression that it's water under the bridge and you've moved on.
If you tell everyone what happened then it may take the shine off the bride-to-be right before her moment of glory, which might create more enemies than friends for you.
If you talk to this woman, then you may be opening old wounds. She might have moved passed this and she may no longer want to talk about it. If she stayed with her boyfriend then perhaps they found their own way to deal with it and put it to bed.
It's probably going to be a little awkward for you both if it's the first time you have seen each other since. You are both adults and time has passed now- so hopefully you can be civil and be there for the bride as it is her night. If this woman wants to talk to you about it, then perhaps you could suggest leaving it until after the party so it doesn't taint the atmosphere.
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